Failure
by Inked Canvas
Summary: In which Levi can count the times he had failed everyone. Drabble series -Riverta-
1. Burnt Ashes

It is funny how there is nothing much he could do to remedy the situation.

It is funny how, no matter how where he may be, he has never once been able to save anything.

( First it was Isabelle and then went Farlan.)

( Years later, even his team went out like a dying light under the fingers of the Titans.

And he was not there to save them all.)

Levi is clearing Petra's room from her belongings, intending to send them back to her father who he knew would wish to keep his daughter's items -if nothing more than a sentimental fact that she once too, was alive.

There is a box in his hand that he balances against his hip, placing things inside that was worth keeping and not meant for the garbage bin. Digging his hands deeper inside the cupboard, determined that he is not going to find anything more he could salvage, he is surprised when a familiar touch of a worn out cover brushes his fingers. He takes the book out.

The book is nothing special, just a plain brown book and has smudges of ink over the cover in dark splotches. He turns the pages rapidly, between his thumb and forefinger.

He is just about to place the book into box when he notices something that catches his eye. He is a meticulous being and he hates it most when something it out of place.

There is a deliberate dog ear in the middle of a thousand pages and he turns to the page.

" I love Levi."

It says, with a heart drawn next to his name.

" _I love Levi."_

There is something that tugs at his heart he never knew he had, and Levi, for the first time in his short life, he has the urge to throw up.

The sudden picture of Petra mangled and bloodied appears in his mind and feeling of throwing up doesn't disappear. Closing the book with a shut, he throws the book into the box and drops it all onto the table.

The loud ring of the door closing echoes through the empty halls and Levi wanders about.

Levi is no hero, this he knows.

( A hero should be able to save.)

He supposes, that he is just only a killer.

He is, always and will be, just only a killer.

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I'm back to those that actually thought I went MIA lol. All of my stories are currently sitting in my brain atm and I really don't have the time to write(When have I ever) Sorry for being gone most of the year last year, I had my final public exams and now I'm in my 3rd month of college and _boy_, do I miss high school. Assignments everywhere -just asdfghjkl

I've been sucked into the AoT fandom(obviously) since febuary and Levi is my love :') I ship riverta and I hope I didn't screw Levi up too badly

I'd love to hear how you thought Levi was! This drabbles will be mainly be focused on Levi's POV so it'd be great if you guys could help me with it!

Review a 'milo' if you've read my AN. Not sure if any of you guys read this xD

**Fav, follow and review! Thank you xx**

**-sakura**


	2. Colors and Tea

In a world full of colors, Levi only sees grey.

( There is no black, and there is no white. Only the mixtures of the in betweens that really, only makes life complicated.)

Levi supposes, the first time he actually noticed the greys in his life is when he sees Petra in his room for the first time.

It was dark then, some time between 2 and 3 in the morning and Levi is doing paperwork for Erwin on another expedition that failed(as how they always do) when there is a gentle knock on his door and Petra comes in with a cup of tea in her hand.

" Heichou," She says, with a smile and she walks towards him. " I brought you tea."

Almost as if the tea word is a cue for his eyes to wander, his eyes felt drawn to the ceramic cup in her hand. It is steaming, he notes, and she must've specially brewed it for him. She places the tea on his right, and Levi only stares at her.

Petra looks up and meets his scrutinizing gaze, warmth flooding in her honey-copper eyes. " Goodnight Heichou." She whispers, and without another word, she leaves.

Sometime in between 2 and 3 in the morning, Levi first sees shades of grey in his life.

It is only when Petra sets down his tea on his table for the 7th time in a row, Levi finds himself stopping her just as she is about to leave. " Why are you doing this?" The words leaves his mouth faster than he could register in his brain; he blames it all on his sleepless nights that he finds himself in this situation where Petra seems as shocked as he is about his question.

To his surprise, Petra laughs and then she says, " Don't think too much about it Heichou. Goodnight."

But all he never does now is think about _it_.

Levi catches himself more than once often wondering as to why Petra does the things she does now. Another thing he also wonders how did she know he is still awake at late hours in the night -his room is a floor above hers.

( He never voices out his questions though; that is just not how he is.)

The days passes by quickly enough in his ever growing greyscale life, and then suddenly it just stops.

He is sitting on his bed this time, 3 folders in his hand, eyes closed and throat parched.

It is 2:45 AM.

Levi has never been one that found comfort in sleeping -there is just too many deaths that relives in dreams that he dreams of. He refuses to call them nightmares -because are they not they same? A nightmare is a dream, only with a different term and context but one just the same.

His mind is in a state of blank when there's a soft twist of the door knob and Levi snaps his eyes open and feels his heart clench so painfully in his chest. Half of him knows it is stupid, but he thinks that it is Petra coming in with another cup of tea.

( She will say, " Work hard Levi."

Because he has not heard his name solely on her lips before.

And he wishes he had.)

But it is Hanji who enters, with her eyes sad like puppies and all things delicate. She remains standing at the door frame, her attire free from the 3DMG.

" Levi," She starts quietly, as if afraid he would break. " I'm sorry."

There are many things Levi thinks Hanji can be sorry for, but these deaths are not one of them.

" Go and sleep, Hanji." He tells her, his voice sounding strangely defeated in his own ears. " Rest."

But Hanji stayed for reasons unknown and Levi is tired of asking unasked questions in his head that he will never receive answers to. He lets her be in his room; he is too tired of everything and not wanting to sleep at all.

The minutes turn into an hour of silence, and Levi thinks that Hanji must have fallen asleep sometime in between because _when has Hanji ever be quiet_?

But he is wrong when Hanji's voice breaks the silence so suddenly, " Petra loved you, you know."

But he does _not_.

( There is a past tense in her words, and that stabs him more than not knowing.)

His throat feels drier than it was before, and he swallows anyway. Levi feels the drag of sand all the way down his throat before he lets out a raspy, " When?"

_When did she love me?_

_ When did she tell you?_

( Why did she not tell me herself?)

Hanji sends him a small, broken knowing smile and only says nothing.

At times when Hanji can be smart, it is at times like this when she knows he should not have answers at all.

Levi first saw grey, when Petra entered his room with a cup of tea sometime between 2 and 3 AM.

And when Petra left, she took all the colors away from him.

* * *

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**Your thoughts on Levi please! xx**

**-sakura**


	3. Wedding Vows

Wedding vows, in Levi's personal opinion, were the vows of stupidity. There should be no vows between the one you love, because he thinks it should be a given that there are things you can do and things you can't.

Levi had always been under the impression that he will never get married.

But Petra loves weddings and marriage and the _vows_ spoken.

So Levi complies, because it does not matter to him as much as it does to Petra.

It is their fifth day in their new quarters, and Petra is entangled in his arms on his bed in the middle of the night. This is something close to content he can feel, as he pulls her closer to him. Levi can hardly call himself affectionate, but there is something about Petra that unravels him straight down to his DNA.

" We're really going to do it right?" Petra asks, turning her body so she is face forward tucked in his arms instead. " When we come back from the next expedition."

She is beautiful, in all areas that count and Levi is always left speechless at her beauty. She has the eyes of the sun when it is gentle and the fire of Hell (wherever that is) when she is angry and Levi loves it -loves _her_. His eyes trail unto her lips that is highlighted by the moonlight and he places a gentle kiss on them. " Yes, Petra," He says with his eyes closed, " We are."

" We're getting _married_."

He couldn't help but smile at her excited tone of voice and Levi knows that she is smiling all too brightly and Levi can honestly say that she outshines the moon and the sun anytime.

But when he opens his eyes, he is greeted by salty tears falling down onto his face and unto his lips from a crying Petra that hovers above him. Alarm strikes down fast in him, and he couldn't believe he misjudged her so badly. Instantly, he is pushing himself up onto his elbows but Petra stops him with a hand on his chest.

" What's wrong? Petra -"

She chokes a laugh and says, " It's nothing Levi. I'm just... I'm just so happy."

Everything in him relaxes at once and he falls back down onto the bed without a second thought. " Don't cry over stupid things like this Petra."

Instead of hearing her answer, there is a sudden weight on him that makes him crack his eyes open again. If he is not humanity's greatest, he is sure he would have lost most of his breath under her weight. He suppresses a grimace.

" I don't care if it's stupid to you - I'm just so happy Levi! " She tells him, her tears ending as she runs her hand over the sides of his face. " Thank you."

She kisses his lips and he is only eager to return the favor. He wraps his arms around her waist and he feels her hands digging into his scalp but that is okay with him. Petra can harm if for all he cares if she promises to kiss away all of his pain as she does now.

" I love you," She whispers.

And Levi replies with a kiss on her lips that travels to her neck.

The night grows and so does their kisses.

Many days has passed since then, and by tomorrow they will leave for their 57th expedition. Levi however, has his mind in other places rather than on the expedition itself; he finds himself thinking of what happens _after_ the expedition.

The plan is a simple one -of what happens after the expedition that is. When they return to the safety of the walls, they will find themselves a priest to officially announce them husband and wife. There will be no attendees and no rings, just them and vows.

It isn't much but it is more than enough for Petra, at least that is what Levi thinks. When he sees Petra the night before they leave, Levi is not wrong because _it_ is enough. She comes into his room with stars hung over her head and clad in nothing but a simple white nightgown and Levi can feel the heat in him grow steadily. There is also a smile etched on her face as she throws herself on him, knocking them both onto the bed. He wraps his arm around her waist on instinct as they fall, and he can feel her body shaking with quiet laughter.

" After this we're married!"

Levi is amused with her enthusiasm and so he says, " So it would seem."

She begins to quiet down after that, seemingly content with lying in his arms for once without trashing about. He was in the middle of reading documents handed to him by Hanji earlier in the day when Petra barged into the room, but he suppose document reading can wait until after the expedition. For now, Levi would like to think about the two of them.

Quiet chatters drown the room until they both decide that early sleep would be best. Although 12 AM does not seem very early to Petra at all. Levi does not care however, because he has slept later hours than this and to him 12 is just a number with the sky attached to it; just like any other numbers.

" I can't wait until this is over," Petra murmurs into his ear, voice filled with exhaustion as she nuzzles his neck. " I want to be yours."

Levi does not say anything because when he does formulate a reply, Petra is already fast asleep. He saves his breath and words for after the expedition, to tell her what he means to tell now. He watches her as she sleeps, the gentle rise and fall of her chest and puckered lips drawing him into sleep as well.

The next day comes as how any expedition came; fast and blurry. There is action in every second and it burns in his veins.

The 57th expedition came and went and Levi now stands before a church.

He gives a long stare, and there is something like glass that is breaking in him.

Levi is right to think that he was never to get married.

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**After one one month in back with an update! This is from the riverta week prompt #VOWS I also think I screwed up Levi's attitude here so he's pretty much OOC so sorry about that. I don't really like this as much as my other two because it's not that sad and it's like neutral grounds with horrible writing. This is also unedited so if you do catch mistakes let me know so I can change it!  
**

**Review, fav and alert! Let me know your thoughts x**

**Inked.**


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